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Shantanu S. Bhattacharyya Socially Networked Wife
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It is OK if you dont pick up someone else's call. Chances are 10 mins later you will see them posting a twitter message - Calling friend, not responding :(.
But Rajaram is different. True to his name, he doesn't use any social networking sites. He calls up people on birthdays, sends them greeting cards on christmas and even writes 'get well soon' letters when you are ill ! So either out of guilt or our out of love, we all pick up Rajaram's calls.
Rajaram - Hi, Wassup ?
Me - Nothing much. Settled in your new office ?
Rajaram - Yep ! Has been very hectic lately. That is why this weekend me and Mallika have decided to chill out completely. Wanna join us ?
Me - Well ... umm.. Actually I am scheduled to ...
Mallika - Hey this is Mallika, Raj's wife. I know you have a reputation of being a hermit. So no excuses. You are going to come with us this weekend. O.K. ??
Of'course I agreed. Statistically speaking guys of a certain age say 'yes' 90% times when asked by a girl. Strangely (maybe not) the percentage is 99.7 if the girl is married! Anyways, about 15 minutes later I checked my inbox. Whoa !
orkut - mistymallika24 has added you as a friend on orkut.. 10:11 AM
facebook - mallikaforu wants to be your friend on ....10:08 AM
ethHack - You are now registered for the ethical hacking conf.. 10:08 AM
twitter - de_mallika is following you on twitter ... 10:05 AM
Mallika Dayal - Hi, just wanted to confirm we are meeting on saturday ... 10:01 AM
It did seem a bit too aggressive but having known some serious networking addicts, I forgot all about it. Plus having more women as contacts in your profile can only boost your online presence :) What was a little bit frustrating though was that all her tweets were protected. What that means is, unless she accepts my request, I cannot read her twitter messages.For some reason she never accepted my request and for statistically explainable reasons, I never felt too bad about it.
And then I met her on saturday. Rajaram came with his wife to pick me up at about 11 AM. She was taller than I imagined. High heels, designer saree, large circular earings and her ipod touch where she was typing away something furiously while me and Rajaram exchanged pleasanteries. Finally, I decided to break her concentration with a 'Hello' which was met by a quick glance, a short 'Hi' and a shorter smile. How rude !!
Mallika - So are you ready ? Can we start now ?
Me - Sure, where r we going ?
Mallika - Raj, I need to go to South City Mall first. Have to urgently buy a leather purse
Rajaram - Sure Darling, we will go there first. Get into the car darling
Huh ! South city mall ?? Is this what I got out of bed for ? Disgusting .. The rest of the day was a disaster. Rajaram drove us around the entire city for buying purse, sandal, sunglass and myriad other knick knacks for his 'darling' Mallika. Strangely when she wasn't buying any stuff she was immersed in her i-touch. I wondered what could be so urgent. And the final nail was the food. Mallika is a vegetarian. I somehow stuffed the leaves and stems into my stomach and heaved a major sigh of relief when Rajaram finally dropped me home. I was so pissed off by the whole thing that I decided to forget all about it. But I couldn't. I was still curious about what exactly a person can do so intently almost the entire day on her i-touch.
25 mins later I had my answer. Being geeky has its perks. I hacked into Mallika's twitter account and here is what I found ..
de_mallika the breakfast sucks. when will husbands learn to cook ? 8:32 AM
de_mallika excited about meeting Shantanu. hope he is really cute :) 9:13 AM
ur_azhar @de_mallika Isn't one affair enuf ? Come na lets meet for lunch. 9:14 AM
de_mallika @ur_azhar - no honey, not today. feeling J about Shan ? hihihi 9:17 AM
de_mallika this saree should really do the job. wait Shan, here I come 10:01 AM
de_mallika Wat the hell! , shan is clumsy and terribly short. Damn !! 11:05 AM
de_mallika wow! now he cant keep his eyes to my face. f**** perv 11:07 AM
de_mallika @ur_azhar - missing u jaaan. frustrated out here 12:05 PM
de_mallika ufff so much more to buy and so little time. wish we dumped this midget 12:48 PM
de_mallika going to raghu's rave party tonight...yaaaayy 1:32 PM
de_mallika rajaram's friends are worse than him. cant even eat properly 1:43 PM
de_mallika so glad this is over. dumping him and driving home :) 3:34 PM
de_mallika @nishas - dont worry about the shot glasses, jus take care of the coke 5:15 PM
This is just the synopsis. There were about a 120 tweets. What keeps her glued to her i-touch is obvious. But what is totally not obvious is her apathy towards me. I have the same height as Tom Cruise. I was clean shaven and put on the 'Axe' effect. I DID NOT stare below her chin at any point irrespective of the bizarre saree she wore. And last but not the least, she is the vegetarian not me. I felt bad for Rajaram, but then as Swami Shantanu Ji once said
Smart guy marrying smart girl = both happy
Smart guy marrying dumb girl = only guy happy
Dumb guy marrying smart girl = girl happy, her neighbors happy, her co-workers happy, her ex - ......
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