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Shantanu S. Bhattacharyya
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Bus Stop Relationships

I was already late for the seminar. So I quickly gulped down the remaining coffee, grabbed my jacket and scurried to the bus stop. Standing in a bus stop in Pittsburgh (and probably the entire country) is a strangely predictable and monotonous experience. There will be this one guy in suit and tie frantically typing away in his 'everything enabled' blackberry, a fashionista sophomore with her quintessential ipod, a couple of desis looking forever down the road to their left (bus will arrive sooner if you focus on its arrival) and the occasional outliers. Plus there will always be atleast one person who will jog past the bus stop. Today was no different , atleast it wasn't till I saw her.

She stays in the apartment directly opposite mine. Of'course I didn't know it the first time I saw her which was also in the same bus stop about a week back. That time she was wearing a denim jeans, blue adidas tees and a short black jacket. No accessories, no make up, unless you count the hairclip. Just a backpack with Google prominently displayed over it. I looked at her ever so casually and then... I looked again.

We all see incredibly beautiful people, well dressed people, even people who are totally nuts. Yet we forget about them as soon as we look away. But 'not so rarely' we also meet someone, who for inexplicably mysterious reasons, command much more attention than normally due. As soon as I looked up the second time, she looked back. You can all imagine how stressfull the next fraction of a second was. There was guilt, denial, hope, thrill ... loosely in that order. I smiled at her. No big deal! We all smile in US. She didn't. Duh !! But I still think I caught her looking back at me atleast once more. Imagination in eastman color I guess. Bus came in a few minutes and that was that.

Two days later in the evening, I came out of my apartment to buy some coke cans from the local grocery. Now, I am not in the habit of peeping into neighbor's kitchen window but the song 'main jahan jahan rahoon' playing in the background and a strong smell of 'aloo gobi' caught my attention. Before I could finish wondering who stayed in that apartment, she came over to the window. Darn !! 911 about a stalker would be pretty bad for me. I scampered across the lawn and on to the main street.

A few hours later, while having the usual chit chat with my roomie, my mind again drifted towards her. Somebody needed to tell her that she looked better with glasses. She should wear them all the time, not only at home. But why was I even thinking about her. I barely saw her twice and that too for few moments each. I will probably never speak to her. And yet... I thought I will ask my roomie for his opinion.

I described him the situation. I was just looking for the right word to describe this relation, even though it was only in my head. It wasn't crush. When you have crush, you think about the person all the time. This is different. It wasn't desire, wasn't romantic thrill, wasn't a sense of adventure, wasn't really anything. What do you call a relationship where you see a stranger and you just smile thinking about her once in a while. Roomie drew a blank too. The only word in his head was 'love' and we both knew it was way way off.

I had forgotten all about it till I saw her again today. I saw her hop down the stairs, wait at the other side of the road and then cautiously crossover to the bus-stop at my end. She looked straight at me and smiled. Yessss !! I smiled, rather grinned back. And then she spoke her first words, "So where were you headed to that evening ?". I stood there frozen for full 5 secs before I half-muttered "Which evening ?". Pat came the reply " When you were standing near my kitchen window. I think I saw you". My cousin sis always says ,"Girls never miss a detail even if you guys miss this detail all the time." I got what she meant.

Thankfully I didn have to give her any explanations as the bus came to my rescue. I sat as far away from her as possible. It was probably a bit rude but then better rude than complicated.

I still have no answer for what is the term for this feeling/interaction/relation(?). But my roomie seems to have an answer he is content with. I met him an hour back and said "You know what, she spoke to me today". He said , "Awesome! I meanwhile have figured out the perfect word for your situation. Its called 'Desperation'." Huh. I should have known better before asking him. I changed my clothes, made some coffee and slumped back in my couch. Desperation ?? What is that supposed to mean ?.

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